thinking with th help of my fingertips

eversince i arrived here in the US, i have always been confused. I do not really know what to do with my life. There are times when I want to go back home and study there and there are also times when, although I feel realy down and sad, I know I have to stay here and be patient. I miss everything about the philippines. True, it is in a sad state as it has always been but this much I can tell: philippines will always be my home. one time when i was walking in the park, i realized that most of the time, the things you should do are the things you have to do, not the things you want to do. sacrifice is part of living. My parents always tell me that people who do not know how to be patient will never be successful. I belive that. That's why I am doing the things I never thought I would ever do. Philippines is such a nice place to live in... that is when you have money! and to have that, you either have to be a trust fund baby or a big businessman yourself. Otherwise, you'll be living beyond your means... you'll be living in fantasy... And before you know it, you're already living in a world full of lies and even you can no longer tell who you really are.

Everytime I am alone with myself, and everytime darkness sets in, my mind starts to wander again. It thinks of what my future will be and reminisces the days of when I felt I had everything I wanted and got everything I desired. Damn, I had a lot of fun in th past! I know this phase of my life is a difficult for me and the uncertainty that looms over me is really a source of much worry but I am optimistic that things will soon be alright. God has always been good to me and my family. SOme things that keep me sane are my family, my hope for a better life and a strong faith in the Almighty. I know He has plans for me and He will make a worhy person out of me. The things that I am going through right now, no matter how hard it may seem will surely make a better person out of me.