Whinings...

I dont know why I am here again, writing somethig that I, myself, cannot really understand. Why do I keep on whining about a woman who has never actually been mine? Did I love her that much? All the while I thought I was just "in love" with the IDEA of being "in love". If that is the case, then why am I feeling so lonely and empty right now? How many poets have ever tried hard to describe this feeling? or painters, and photographers, as the case maybe, have ever tried to capture a moment like this? But no matter how beautiful their works were, they failed to even get close to the real thing. I dont know why... Is it because things like love is beyond any mortals' understanding? That it is as good as thinking where God came from? EWAN! Nobody can claim knowledge about love maybe. Nobody can understand and give me a concrete answer why I am feeling such a looser when I have never started the fight yet. Is there someone who can answer why am I feeling jealous to someone or something that doesnt possibly exist? Or even if it does exist, what right do I have to feel that way? Maybe the reason why I am feeling this way is precisely because I dont know what I am to her.

I know she knows that I fancy her. She's sweet and kind and I appreciate it a lot. But I can't tell whether her being sweet means more than friendship. I'm not fond of making conclusions. I can only hope for the best...

Pep Talk

Today marks my first week away from home. I must say, I am not that happy with the decision of coming here but I do not regret ever doing it because until now, I know that this is a good decision. Nobody said it was going to be easy. My life in the Philippines was also never easy. The reason why I miss the place is probably because I have just learned to adopt with the place and the environment. I miss so many people back there. My Father and all my friends. I was too used in just asking my friends to go to my place whenever I was down then drink beer and everything would be alright. Bored as I may be, scared of countless possibilities and uncertainties, I am determined to stand by my decision and continue what I have started. I have failed many times in the past because of my ever- changing mind. I shall never allow that to happen again. Sure, there will be setbacks and disappointments but this time, I'll face the battle, alone but ready. I came here for a reason: to prove my worth, not to other people, but to myself. I am sure of some things; that I'll succeed and I'll go home as a changed man, more responsible, couragous & humble, yet proud for what he has accomplished in his life.

Airis...

Its the second day of the year and I just miss her so much! If only I could be with her, look at her eyes, hold her hand and thank her for evrything... A lot of things had happened in 2004 and many,I shall never forget. Ive committed a lot of mistakes, triumphed in some battles and lost in some at the same time. There were a lot of things I knew I shouldnt have done. But looking back, the best thing probably that ever happened that year was when I went to the 12th congress of the UCSC. On that event, I met the most beautiful woman I have ever seen! And not only is she beautiful, she is so down to earth, mild mannered, soft spoken, brilliant, funny and... a student leader too!(things that Ive been looking for in a girl). I cant help but think about her evryday, from the moment i open my eyes and evrytime i go to bed in the evening. She's defntly a woman to love!

NEW YEAR BONANZA!

Man, Im sure, my family is having loads of fun already in Vegas! I just wish I was with them today... I spent the new year with LA. Though we were only two, we made it a point to enjoy welcoming the coming year! In the afternoon of the 31st, We bought 2 porter house steaks, cream of mushroom soup, nips, curly tops and corn & butter. afterwards, we left for Mega Mall to look for stuff and to unwind. Upon returning, Rex dropped by my pad. He just got home from Dipolog City. We dined out at Napolis, one of our favorite Italian restaurants when we were still GYM buffs!haha! afterwards, LA and I attended the 8pm mass at Mt. Carmel and walked home from the church. it was so much fun! Media Noche was fantastic! We had the best view in the entire metropolis en not a single firework ever escaped our eyes! After the media noche, we finished the entire bottle of red wine, which i stole from my father week before new year, hehe... Oh well, I never had a new year's celebration like that before. though it didnt go the way I planned it to, it was ok nonetheless. But if only people could stay in one place.